I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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