i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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