I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
