Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
