...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
