I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
