just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
