More tranny stories later!
I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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