her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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