Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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