If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
