sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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