I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
