Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
