we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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