i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
