Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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