im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
