I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
