The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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