I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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