the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
