And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
