Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sext me about skeletons
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
