I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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