I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
