I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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