My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
