Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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