Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
