They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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