I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Found your dick twin last night
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
