ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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