You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
