the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
