yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
