yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she told me i tasted like america
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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