You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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