Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
