Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
