Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
