Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
birth control should be required to get into college
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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