The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
