Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need a beard to bite.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
