I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Every concussion has its silver lining
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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