I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
