Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
