I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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