Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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