found the other keg... it's in the tree
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
