weddingsv make me drug and hornr
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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